It's Sunday evening. And I'm searching for ideas for tonight's blog.
Several crossed my mind, but none have settled. What I really want to do is simply quote some scripture, meaningful to me, but fear some of you may think me too "preachy" if I do.
But this is my blog. And you endured my ups and downs this week, so, well - why not? It IS Sunday evening, after all.
Here's the one that greeted me first thing this morning.
The LORD himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." Exodus 14:14 (NLT)
Perfect for where my head was when I woke.
And a perfect place to end the day as well.
Just stay calm. I like that.
I promise a longer blog tomorrow.
Apparently yesterday's blog WAS too honest, .because I think I scared some of you with what I wrote yesterday,, and that was not my intent.
I was moved, and touched, and felt truly loved, by the responses written by several of you to yesterday's blog post. THANK YOU.
Please rest assured it is not even remotely in my character to ever consider suicide as a personal option. I have lived through that choice by a loved one. And more recently witnessed all too tragically how that choice affected a community around the loss of one far too young to have chosen to leave.
My faith in God KNOWS that no matter how dark the night, the light dawns in the morning. KNOWS that God has a plan for my life, and I am here to live it out, fully.
Interesting - I attended a play this evening that touched on the topic. And when the character was asked why she chose not to take her own exit, her response was, "because I wanted to see what happens next."
Now THAT is living! I, too, am curious where God is leading me. Sometimes wish I had a crystal ball, but that would take away the joy of discovery. At age 56, I have lived through sufficient down times to know that in hindsight they so often ended up being far wiser plot twists than I might ever have imagined for my life.
So, please know, dear friends, that all is well in Mimi land. Was a trying week, with several unanticipated emotional challenges, but I, like that character, am excited to see what happens next.
Oh! And here is a quickie painting I did this morning in the studio. 4"x4" - I call it "Emerging light."
And would you believe that as I am typing this the song, the hymn "It is well" just came up "randomly" on my Youtube loop? Go figure.
Listen here if you'd like. It is well.
And so it is.
Is there such a thing? I wonder. What do YOU think?
Consider the following, written yesterday mid-day. Too honest?
July 28, 2016.
To those of you who insist that my novel, Painting Lily, is memoir (she's not - she's fiction) - are you ready for some truth? (and as I write those words I hear Jack Nicholson in the back of my head saying "You can't handle the truth!". Here goes.
I yelled at God this morning.
Not polite, gentle, pleading.
No, I'm talking full out, top of my lungs, yelling in the way I can only do when the dog is outside in her kennel because otherwise she will run, cowering, to the door because my tone of voice scares the heck out of her.
"I don't understand what the (bleep) you want from me" type of yelling at God. And I realize just hearing I did so may send some of you running to the door to get away from me as fast as you can.
It's ok. Really, it is. I know it is. Because I know my God has broad shoulders and can take it. Because the frustration I'm voicing isn't anger at God, but at myself. Because I'm frustrated that I feel like I must be missing something, because I've made so many positive changes in my life in the past year and I'm still feeling alone. And confused. And not sure I'm headed in the right direction.
I need to earn more money. Want to be financially secure. I need to feel - no - I want to be in love with someone who loves me in return. I want to be married. Happily. And share my life, my faith, my hopes and dreams, with someone who cares.
And I want to feel like my life matters. Like if I disappeared there would be people who would notice. (That's the sentence that scares the hell out of me to write, because as the daughter of a man who committed suicide it comes miserably close to what was likely his reality in his last days and minutes.)
There. I feel like I just vomited on the page.
No. I just told the truth.
I'm ok. Don't worry yourself about the ugly truth sentence in that last long paragraph. Because the bottom line is that I know that I AM loved, already, by God. The one with the broad shoulders who listens to me even when I rant and scream my frustration at full force volume.
And that love is the one that truly matters. The real truth.
Better now. Sometimes it really does feel better to vent.
Blessings to all.
Writing isn't difficult. Sometimes getting started is. So let's try something together.
Writing Prompt - In 10 words or less - what place comes to mind when I suggest the word "PEACE"?
Here's what my answer is:
My backyard early morning with coffee and dog beside me.
Now take 30 seconds to write your own answer, and share as a comment if you would like.
Laughing at myself right now. Because I'm blogging in color today. A first. I think that means I need to paint today...even as I try to discern just what this blog is about, who my audience is, and what I have of value to share that will prompt others to want to share. Perhaps that is a prompt for another day.
Love and blessings to each and every one of you on this day. Make it memorable. Give love to someone astonishing. Take in God's beauty.
Surrounded by speeches. On the tv. On the radio. On the computer. So much talking. How actively are we listening to each other?
Short blog tonight. So many thoughts I've had today that may turn into future blogs entries but right now, I feel the need to be quiet rather than add to the noise.
So, if you are reading this. please enjoy the space between the words. Be thoughtful. And consider how your own words might impact those who take the time to listen.
Nite nite for now.
A recent seminar I attended - "How to Use Facebook for business" - instructed to "share something of value" - to "wow" readers so they will want to share, and come back.
Value? So subjective!
Here are a few things I am valuing this morning.
Artist, author, and musician - I will offer one from each category.
1. My fave 30 second sketch - framed - 2"x3" sits on a shelf in my bathroom
2. A fave old blog post - and while I chose to self publish rather than waiting for an agent to say "oh wow" - Lily lives.
3.. My fave music video/song to wake up to, and listen to again before sleep. While you might not share my faith, hopefully you will agree the tune is lovely, gentle, and provides a soothing soundtrack to the day. Youtube Video.
Have a beautiful, blessed day.
So much to say, so little time.
Been wanting to get more 'regular' about writing my blog, but procrastinate as I wait for the perfect format, the perfect topic.
Enough of that. Decided instead to tackle it in small bits. One blog a day for 90 days. To see where the muse leads.
Thought today's first topic would be FOCUS.
Which is kinda funny, because I just wrote what I thought was a brilliant first day of 90 blog post, and then it disappeared into nowhere. So maybe I wasn't so brilliant after all.
It was about love, and tragedy, and newspapers, and television, and walking in nature, and none of it was really all that important or different and likely a waste of time for the reader and the writer.
What I meant to say, in ten words or less?
LOVE SOMEONE NOT EXPECTING TO RECEIVE YOUR LOVE TODAY.
How's that for focus?!